We're complaining because people want to be with us.

How lame is that?

I just hear that my old friend Rosemary is pregnant! Jackson and Rosemary are having a baby in September! I’m so happy for them. Both of them and their parents are very nice people and help me a lot when I was in NZ. And Jackson especially, he’s a very smart gentleman and taught me a lot. I had a very wonderful time live with them for those years in AKL. I’m a bit worry about Swine Flu at the moment, but I’m sure they’ll be fine. It’s a little bit sad I couldn’t be there for them. I wish them well, and their baby too.

 

Happy couple

Emma, who’s my high school classmate, and good friend too, moved back to our hometown lately. I knew it from her blog. Surprise, but not that surprised. She had been planning leaving SZ from several months. I think she was just waiting for the right time. And now is the time. I left a note on her blog. I wrote “wherever she may be, she will be happy, and succeed”.

 

My life couldn’t be more constant except getting some bad habits. So bored. But People around me seems had changed a lot. My cousin Ada and Lily, both of them are getting married this fall. We used to play together in holiday, and we were so young so small. My younger cousin Joanne, she’s a very nice girl. She’s paid her whole family travel South Korean. Although that trip is not as good as they thought it would be. My father, he’s not live with me any more, I only see him several times a year. That’s very sad. Even My mother has a different love life. I’m the only one who’s still alone. I really need something to cheer me up. Something……

 

Bad habit No.1

 

Bad habit No.2

 

My Cousin Lily (on the right) and me

 

My oldest cousin Ada (second from left), me and my mom (on the middle)

 

My younger cousin Joanne (on the left) and Me

 

Me and my father in Nan Hua Temple

 

Me and the fake "Obama"

 

Yesterday afternoon, I had laid down sunbathing for an hour. The sky was so blue, and the weather was warm and with breezes. These few weeks definitely are perfect for traveling. The shining, the blue, make me couldn’t get rid of the thought of traveling. In the last few mouths, my colleagues and I did talk about taking some 2-4 days tours. But yet, no a single trip happens.

 

Our education and experiences taught us that we shall always think long and hard before doing things. But when it comes to ‘travel’, to think long and hard about the plan makes it impossible to put it into action. Okay, the timing is an issue, budget definitely is a problem, and package holiday or backpacker trip, train or plane, and there are plenty of decisions have to be made. You want everything to be perfect, but eventually you know no plan is perfect.

 

My colleagues hate me so badly. I start the traveling topic and make them so excited, and then I oppose the trip. I did it once, twice, and the third time, they want me to shut up. Well, I disappointed them, but I disappointed myself too.

 To conclude, traveling is all about one thing, Go or Not go?

Darkness Becomes Us

 

到Part Three，終于講到《白夜行》了。 看一部日劇可以扯到這麽遠， 我的思維也真是跳躍。 其實， 一路看《白夜行》一路在嘆氣——國內（連港臺在內）是沒可能拍出這樣一部戲來。首先男女主角在小學3年級就拍拖，這是不容于國內電視界的。同时在第一集就有弒父、弒母的情節， 凶手還是10歲的小孩， 怎麽可能出現在國內的電視台上。之後每集都出現不可能通過國內censor的情節， 試問這樣一部電視劇怎會在國內電視臺看到？ 而這部劇吸引我的卻正正是它與衆不同的故事題材。

 

我覺得《白夜行》其實是講述的是人性里各種各樣的黑暗面。如果男女主角弒父殺母，是因爲愛、因爲逼不得已， 那么他們成年后殺人就是因爲一己私欲。我們都會因爲愛，願意做不應該做的事， 問題是事情的惡劣程度。

 

電視同原著小說在叙述上有很大差异。 小說是在結局才揭露所有事情的真相， 而電視則由主角講述事件真相，他們是如何一步一步踏進萬劫不復的深淵。我覺得這樣讓觀衆更能理解主角的行爲動機，亦更同情他們。 一直心存僥倖， 希望主角能在結局擺脫厄運，能在“陽光下牽手散步”。 雖然男主角最終還是死了，但還好，女主角沒有被定罪， 總算跳出正義必勝，天網恢恢這個電視怪圈。

 

想起電影“Butterfly Effects”的一句宣傳語——Change one thing, change everything.  就如男主角說， 如果一開始就自首，向警方坦誠弒父事實， 自己和女主角的命運應該會好很多吧。講了一句謊話， 要用更多謊話去圓謊；殺了一個人，就要殺更多人去掩飾。一個叫‘亮’， 一個叫‘雪’， 都是代表光明的， 但二人卻是代表黑夜的幽靈。

  

劇中的警官是非常討厭的。 用所謂‘正義’的幌子，咄咄逼人，總不肯放過男女主角。 想到他就如“白蛇傳”中那個無耻的法海和尚。 他不想想， 若非他處處破壞， 男女主角又怎會逼迫殺害更多人。 所謂‘正義’值得麼？

 

值得一贊的是飾縯女主角同年的小女孩演技不錯， 五年內應該會有更好的作品出現。

思想自由？

 

我認爲，中國有太多條條框框， 太多心理包袱 ―――民族也好，傳統也好， 以至創作思維總是那麽死板。日本也好，港臺也好，歐美也好，只要能带到新思维给我，他們任何資訊我都想瞭解。 資訊節目以外，外國的電視劇、電影就是瞭解國與國之間各種差异（不止是文化差异）非常好的途徑。對中國的各種或文化， 或知識，或資訊，也許我暸解到的未及九牛一毛，但就目前我有興趣、想去瞭解的，所剩不多。 勉强去搜索就實在太不符合成本效益了。 早就已經放弃了國産電視、電影，即是是最近買的一大堆國內簡體字書籍，能帶給我驚喜的，就只得一本《銀元時代生活史》。 惟有期待在本年香港書展能搜到一些比較有趣的繁體字書籍。

 

相信許多人都和我一樣， 最初都是同果日劇認識日本。 無論從前還是現在， 我都認爲日劇是電視劇的一股清泉。 給動擱三、四十集的國內電視劇（即使港臺亦然）嚇怕了， 對日劇十集左右的長度非常欣賞。 劇本題材， 演員演繹手法等當然也相當不同。 總是听到某某劇抄襲日劇， 極少說日劇有抄襲嫌疑的。

 

Internet令人可以容易接觸不同地方的文化， 我覺得自己是得益者。 很早就對日本文化感興趣。 看到涉及日本題材的東西， 總會思考深一層。 漸漸發覺，中日文化真是有太多差异。 讀書時認識過幾個日本人， 覺得他們的生活態度真是很特別。一個中學畢業的男生， 靠打散工賺一筆錢就拿去NZ游學， 花光了就回日本賺夠再玩過。 另一個35歲女人，在波子机店工作， 也是辛苦賺到錢那去NZ游學用掉。 在中國，似乎不會有類似的事情。 我喜歡認識與衆不同的人，瞭解自己不會有機會經歷的事情。

 

買過一本香港人寫關于日本社會現狀的書－《整形日本》 湯祯兆著， 從娛樂文化角度出發， 再深入探討問題。我覺得頗為有趣， 很適合我這類非學者型的讀者。可惜的是，大部分我覺得有趣的書在國內都是沒有機會出版。即使有簡體字版，大多都會被作不同程度的删减， 看着就是彆扭。 每年香港書展都吸引大批廣東人去掃貨，就凸顯了國內出版界的畸形狀態。

 

講到出版自由和題材開放程度（亞洲以外的，暫時興趣不大），最自由開放的我覺得是日本， 其次是臺灣， 而香港在回歸後少了大膽的作家，當然最令人失望的還是我們祖國。 即使非政治題材， 受到限制的也是很多。 制度上的限制， 往往最終導致人思維的限制。香港作家就不如臺灣作家敢于嘗試。又或者是出版社、讀者群的問題。 知道不少香港作家都是先在臺灣出書， 發現市場反映好， 才有可能出港版。 香港可悲， 但總算有臺灣這個市場能讓作家有嘗試的機會。

Japanese, Chinese or Hypocrite?

 

People who oppose Japan/Japanese have various reasons to do so. Because of the war, economy, or disputation of territory, I don’t care at all. My attitude toward to Japan and Japanese is relatively positive. As time goes on, the more I know about Japan, the more I understand the nation. I’m not worship Japan, but it has changed my inward thoughts imperceptibly.

 

In the last couple years, here have been many Anti-Japan protests in different cities of China. People protested to Japan downplay World War II history, or territorial issue, or even to unfair trading. And no surprise, these protests always come with boycotting Japanese productions. Every time I had read these news, I laugh. They’re all hypocrites! Persuade people not using Japanese cars and high tech products, I think that would be mission impossible. They couldn’t even give up watching Japanese movies and TV programs. Chinese are not fools, they know Japanese cars are cheaper, Japanese high tech products are better, Japanese entertainment programs are more entertaining.

 

I don’t give a dame about politics. I just wanna keep my mind wide open.

It’s the very first time I am happy for someone. My cousin is getting married, finally. We are not that closed, I am glad of her happiness, though. Actually, she’s one of the three grandchildren of my grandparents.

 

I don’t know. When something good happen to people around me, I don’t feel happy for them. It has nothing to do with me, really. But, my cousin she’s the one who makes me feel I am actually exist in the world, I am not a nobody. My parents they’re not the one.

 

My cousin in law, he seems like a nice guy. I hope he’ll be a good husband, and a good father too.

 

I wish them luck, and forever spare each other pain.

別怪罪那些說「再沒感覺」的人。他們至少忠於自己，沒有拖泥帶水，及早放生你。
 

The earthquake or Justine Henin retires? I couldn’t be more shocked when I see the news that Justine has announced her retirement from tennis with immediate effect. This moment I’m still in shock and speechless. Martina Hingis came first, and now is Justine. They both gave up on me. Should I give up on tennis as well?

记得高三开学沒多久, 同级的一个女同学突然间过了身。 前一天还在上课， 第二天早上就沒能醒过来。 很记得那是毕业会考开始的第二天， 因为还记得当时心里在想， 如果命中注定是要在那年离世， 何苦要受考试折磨。

 

地震，突然离世的人， 灵魂离开身体的那刻， 或多或少都会懊悔自己没有更好享受自己在世上的时间吧。

 

看太远，想太多， 有时可能是一场空。

Misfortunes never come alone. So a car crash calls up another. What a day!

Living with loss, but living with hope. What happens on yesterday, stays on yesterday.

There’re moments especially when I am surrounded by people my mind is out of control. Not mad, but different memories keep appearing in my head. Actually it’s more like some flashback feelings other than memories show up in pieces of what happened. It’s those feelings brought me back all memories. I haven’t had those feelings in a long time. Maybe that’s why I was shocked when them came up suddenly.

 

We all have feelings for our friends. Does it mean we have to act on them? And how do you tell the difference between like and love? It might be okay to have feelings for schoolmates. But when the person turns out is my colleague, everything is different. I used to think that’s nice to have someone you like in workplace. But now, I don’t any more. As colleagues we’re in unequal positions. I need help from my colleagues that’s pretty obvious. And every little things I do for the colleague, it all seems like for exchanging favors.

 

In fact, I do not wish to do anything which may trouble the colleague. This reminds me that I acted the same way when I was in junior high school. I never ask S homework question. I thought I might affect S’s study time and I would rather ask help from other classmates. So childish and still be.

 

I’m falling into confusion and it’s totally overwhelming at this moment. It’s almost impossible to act naturally. Body contact could be avoided, but eye contact couldn’t. Shit, I was acting so weird and my life is so fucked up.

 

What a miserable start to the year.